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[flameguard]

the internet is rife with astarion memes

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week 0, mon

[flameguard]

[ good monday! on this fine monday morning, astarion can find rondo out being a jock. by which i mean, he's hard at work swinging his sword! if he doesn't see him right away, well... he'll definitely hear him. ]

Haaah! Hraaaah!

[ he may in fact be the loudest man on the planet. hello ]

[haematocritical]

[ he might in fact be the loudest man on the planet. ]

...

[ astarion rubs at his ears slightly as he walks by. ]

Is that really necessary?

[flameguard]

HAh-

[ astarion catches him mid swing - with... actually maybe more skill than you'd expect, he stops himself from going any further and tilts his head. ]

Huh? Is what necessary? [ a beat. ] Good morning, Mr. Astarion.

week 1, thurs

[flameguard]

[ crawls into your post it's a starter for thursday!!!

rondo is standing guard outside one of the little animal crossing houses at full attention! though, when he spots astarion, he bows his head towards him in greeting... ]

Good evening, Mr. Astarion. [ ... ] What a week of events...

[haematocritical]

[ me running in late like wheeeee

oh he’s being a guard, aaaa ]


Hm? Is something happening here?

[ nosey. ]

… Yes, I suppose it has been. I’m not sure whether I’m relieved things have been a little different, or put off by it all. [ he did not go on an adventure and get hurt so there’s that. ]

[flameguard]

[ he shakes his head a little. ]

Not really. Alfyn and Todomatsu are both resting inside, so... [ so he thought he'd stand guard, just in case. you never know. ]

I get that, too. The idea that people can be taken up by the fog and transported somewhere else is really worrying, though, isn't it...?

w1, sunday

[haematocritical]

[ voids them. hopefully rondo's having a lovely weekend, just the best.

astarion seems pretty relaxed, all things considered. ]

[flameguard]

[ oh yeah definitely having a good weekend!!!! no horrors here!!!

no there are so many horrors. astarion can find rondo on the island, sitting down on the beach and looking out into the water. when he's approached, he looks up, though, and he has a tired smile. ]

Mr. Astarion... good evening.

[haematocritical]

[ we believe in him surviving the horrors. ]

Good evening. You look terrible.

[ astarion. ]

w2 monday... 1/2 sweats

[flameguard]

[ yay for the shadows!!!!!! memshare time! i'm 1/2ing you because im giving you BOTH of these memories im sorry for this giant text wall you're about to see ]

[ it's a normal day when you rise early to see sazantos off.

the reports came in by raven a few days ago from king richard - the final ring of the eight rings of the gods has finally been taken back from its monstrously powerful master, the empress tatloch, courtesy of the ringbearer chosen, and her majesty queen alaune. the most important duty of the flameguard - to gather the rings and save them from evil hands - is ready to be performed. the forces of the continent united together against the evil designs of many, and even you had a part in it.

you've spent the past week or so closely monitoring the flameguard, sazantos, even if he waves you off and grumbles about it. after all, the two of you assisted in returning the rings back, retrieving the ring of dohter the charitable after a betrayal within the church where ceraphina revealed herself to have her hands on the accursed flame, the dark opposite of the sacred flame, powered by a false god. the fight with ceraphina was incredibly difficult, and worse, you know sazantos was injured in it - even though he bounced back with aplomb, something was off.

truthfully, you aren't surprised he bounced back, because sir sazantos is and always has been the most amazing, talented knight you've ever had the pleasure to know. he's the flameguard, the paragon of goodness and righteousness, and to you, rondo ravus, sazantos is your everything.

whether he remembers it or not, he saved your life, once upon a time, and it set the course of your future. it was his words - you've got the makings of the flame in you that struck you to your core when you first met him, thirteen years old and desperately trying to defend your sister from bandits that attacked your house. you swore to get stronger, to be like him, to learn from him, and he accepted you as his apprentice - as his future successor. every word of his praise, his recognition, sparing as they are, is what you live for. the beauty of his azure sacred flame struck your heart and soul when you first met him. you've probably been in love with him, though you're only distantly aware of that fact, since first sight.

sazantos is everything you want to be, and your entire world revolves around him, nowadays. so seeing him hurt that badly - and you have never seen him hurt that badly - terrified you. but, he patched himself up, and now you stand at the frosty doors of the cathedral in flamesgrace, trying not to yawn lest you are scolded for it, the sun peeking over the edge of the mountains as sazantos prepares to leave at dawn. it was your choice to get up this early to see him off, ever the dutiful right hand.

sazantos glances back at you as he's strapping his sword to his belt, and you smile at him and wish him a safe trip. he's heading to the isle of orsa to oversee the sealing of the eight rings of power along with the others, and there's no need for you to be there. sazantos, guardian of the continent, guardian of the light, is more than enough.

there's a moment where he regards you, a long pause. instinctively, you straighten a little bit under his gaze like you have done for the past ten years, like you are being scrutinized. you wonder what he sees. you wonder what else to say. what he'll say.

and in the end, he says nothing at all - sazantos turns around and heads off into the sunrise, and you finally release the yawn you were holding the entire time and shuffle back inside for some well earned sleep before your morning training begins.

--

by the time you rise again and perform your usual morning routine - swordsmanship practice, physical training - you receive a summons from a harried looking messenger to hurry to the cathedral at once. that's not that unusual, but it usually just means a mission, so you strap your sword to your side and jog into the cathedral.

awaiting you is the pontiff and captain hugo, the leader of the knights ardante, and they both look - grim. the pontiff holds a paper in his hands. ]

... Sirs? [ you say, after you bow - hand to your heart, low to the ground, traditional and polite as always. but there's something rising in your gut that feels ominous and you stare down at the carpet for a long moment before you rise to a fully standing position.

"...Rondo." says the captain, waving off your gesture. he looks uneasily to the pontiff, who bows his head.

"Rondo. I would like to make for Castle Edoras with the utmost haste." the pontiff tells you, in his gentle voice, as kind and serving as he always is but between him and the captain - you don't even know how to describe it, but something is wrong. ]

... Of course, sir. May I ask what the mission entails...? [ you murmur, looking between the captain and the pontiff, brows knitting together in worry, clueless.

the pontiff closes his eyes briefly before he regards you. he takes a deep breath, in and out.

"...There has been an incident. Upon the imminent sealing of the eight rings of power at the Isle of Orsa, we have been informed that the pinky finger of the Ring Maidens murdered the other fingers of the hand. Additionally, the sealing of the eight rings was attended to by Finis, Father of All, and Finis - " there's a pause, here. his holiness looks at you, "Finis was killed by Sazantos, who summoned the Accursed Flame, and stole the rings. The report dictates that he and Signa opened a portal likely to Hell, and have declared their intentions to destroy humanity as we know it."

the words slam into you like a ton of bricks.

you stare at the pontiff, at hugo, dumbly. all thoughts of politeness and manners are forgotten as the sum total of every part of his report comes together, piece by piece in your head.

sazantos. sazantos, your mentor, your teacher, your entire world, the paragon of goodness and protection, the paragon of personhood, the protector of the rings and guardian of the continent, the strongest person you've ever known, the person who could summon the purest, bluest sacred flame you have ever seen - sazantos betrayed them?

your heart stops. you think the world around you stops, too.

the pontiff says, softly, "...I'm sorry, Rondo."

you barely hear it.

you think - you think, you have to be dreaming. you think this has to be some sort of horrible nightmare, that if you just pinch yourself, you'll startle awake, that sazantos will be staring ominously over you, disapproving that you've slept in thirty seconds too late, that everything is normal and this is just a horrific, awful dream. you think, somewhat hysterically, that your knees must be giving out.

you realize, a second later, that your knees are giving out, because hugo is there to catch you before you hit the ground. you clutch onto his arms, the sensation of being dazed giving way to a dam breaking, as your vision goes blurry and your breath hitches and you start to sob.

it's not on purpose. you can't even stop yourself - you can't hold it together in front of the pontiff, you can't hold it together in front of your captain, as your entire world comes crashing down around your ears.

--

you make your way out of the cathedral in a daze, tasked with your new mission, and for a long moment, you lift your head and stare up at the snowy skies. edoras is a long ride away, and you need to get going - find a horse, get saddled up and rush as fast as you can make it to the side of queen alaune and king richard, but standing here makes you remember.

you have had thousands of conversations with sazantos right here, in front of these cathedral doors. you have seen him summon up his flame - the purest, blazing blue in the world - a thousand times. you have seen him use it to vanquish evil, use it to banish ceraphina's shadow from the world, used it to protect you, not once, but twice. your entire life has been about following his greatness - about becoming like him, about living up to the words he told you once.

you've got the makings of the flame in you, he had said to you, when you were just thirteen years old.

and now sazantos' flame was gone. ]



[ by the time you make it to edoras, you are invited into the throne room by the queen's retainer, and you find yourself standing among some of the greatest heroes of the continent. queen alaune invites you to join them, as one of the guardians of light - an honor that should feel world-changing feels so hollow, now, knowing the place that you are taking, knowing who used to stand there. she lists her reasons: that you're pure of heart, that you've gone so far as to help gather the rings back despite all dangers. and that you're familiar with the enemy. it should make you feel proud. praised. worthy.

you just feel empty.

you look down at your hands. ]

I... am still struggling to come to terms with what this 'enemy' [ because you can't - you still can't call him that. you don't know if you ever could. it has to be a misunderstanding. a mistake. the phrase enemy feels like bile in your mouth. you swallow around a lump in your throat and continue. ] - has done. He was my teacher, and...

[ you think of him looking at you when you dispatched the bandits on the road to the garrison. you think of the approval in his bright blue eyes.

"There it is... what I saw in you when we first met. That same spark lights your eyes once more."

you think of him looking on when you were anointed. you think of the unmatched, unbridled joy you felt when sazantos finally, finally accepted you as his apprentice. not because you asked, but because you earned it.

"I expect great things of you, Rondo."

you swallow. ]

... and someone very dear to me.

[ you take a moment to reflect on your relationship with the flameguard.

and with a breath, you clutch one hand over your heart, and you leap the mental hurdle and say with force, with passion - ] And, that is the very reason I must humbly accept your offer. I am a Knight Ardante, and as such, it is my duty to keep watch over the Sacred Flame, no matter where it leads.

[ and in this case, that it might lead to hell is no exaggeration. the others agree. you will set out for hell tomorrow. ]
--

[ hell is - not what you're expecting.

it's gloomy and dark and miserable, and the oppressive power of pure evil seems to lurk around every corner. you find yourself standing in a near exact replica of the castle of edoras, and though alaune swallows nervously in front of you, she is strong. you, the queen, and the ringbearer chosen are the ones descending into hell, today.

you are accosted by shades and spirits of monsters nearly every third step, but you and the ringbearer chosen are both strong and capable, and you slash them back, keeping the queen safe as you guard her journey towards her sister. each monster is twisted beyond belief - some are humanoid, flesh melting from their bones and eye sockets, creatures of rage and despair, and others are just monsters, multi-eyed beings that spit black magic and acid, all designed to torment, to kill, to cause despair. it feels like you wander for days, down plush red carpets and past structures of horrible black crystal and roots, digging up into the castle's surface like claws. the entire time, your heart pounds with purpose and necessity, and though you aren't afraid, the further you get into the castle, the further a gut feeling of dread starts to build.

your gut feelings are usually accurate, and this is no exception. when you round a corner into a hallway, now cleared of monsters, there's a burst of black, accursed flame, and walking out of its embers is none other than sazantos.

your heart stops.

here, sazantos wears black armor, his face covered in a mask - his silver hair tucked into the back of the armor, too. the accursed flame nearly oozes off of him, roiling with purple and black and pink, the same sight the two of you once fought off in berecain.

it is in this moment that you realize that everything that you have so fervently hoped was false is a reality, and the sight of him breaks your heart into a thousand pieces.

you can't help yourself. you rush forward, ahead of alaune and the ringbearer, and his name escapes you in a rush - ] Sir Sazantos...!

( VIDEO VERSION: to 33:14 the second comment is just related meta! ♥ )

[flameguard]

[ sazantos regards you for a moment, and then walks away from you - he is always walking away - but you hesitate, because you know how he is and it's just like in training, that surely he will respond if you give him a moment. and sure enough, he speaks after you follow him, your gaze stuck to his back. isn't it always?

"I must say. I hadn't expected to behold your foolish face even here, at the very end of the world." sazantos says, almost wry. he turns to you, holds out his hands, as if beckoning you to attack him or run to his arms - mockingly. "Have you improved at all in the time we've been apart, Rondo?"

the way his voice smooths out the syllables of your name is so familiar that your heart aches, because it used to draw you in like a moth to the flame. you have hung on his every word for almost ten years now, and you taste something bitter and miserable in the back of your throat as you regard him.

you suck in a breath, force the lump in your throat down. you should answer the question, but you - you can't, you can't address that, you don't care if you've improved or not, because that's not why you're here. your hands curl into fists at your side, trembling. ] Why...

[ and you run to him, closer to him, facing him one to one. your voice breaks with your anger and your despair and confusion and loss and hurt. your heartbreak, as you finally get your chance to confront him. your composure shatters and you shout, desperate - ] Why are you doing this?!

[ because that's what you've wanted to know from the start.

his hands drop back down to his side, and sazantos shakes his head, says your name again. "Rondo." and the timber of his tone is familiar - he's already dismissing you. "You cannot hope to understand."

(but you want to. you've always wanted to. you want to understand everything about sazantos. you want to know him, want to understand him, and he's never once let you in.)

sazantos turns, folding his arms, and for a brief, terrifying moment, you think he's going to disappear again. "No...no. No one can."

but that's not true. can't you understand him? would he ever let you? why won't he ever let you try? you want to run to him and shake him, impulsively, want to wrap your arms around his shoulders and shake the truth into him, that you want to understand him that you love him that he is your everything - but you don't. you suck in a breath, and drop your hands to your side, curling them into tight, shaking fists.

sazantos explains to you what pushed him over the edge. he says he never knew if human lives had any value or not - which stuns you - until ceraphina and lyblac, who showed him how greedy and desiring human beings were. how every single one of them deserved to perish, because they destroyed the world around them, based on those desires. that all human beings were evil. that they all deserved death.

you almost can't believe the words coming out of his mouth.

this is sazantos, after all. the flameguard. the brilliant, protective force who cared for the continent, who has saved so, so many lives. it's dissonant, it's wrong. after everything you've seen him do, you feel like you have to defend him from himself, from this insanity, from this darkness that's taken him over that just can't be him. you can't reconcile it. and as always, passionate and impulsive, you can't help yourself, throwing out your arm with the force of your denial - like you could reach out and wrench him back from this cliff he's standing on yourself. ] No! You're wrong - humans aren't all evil!

[ your voice starts to break - your vision blurs with tears, but you barely even notice as you take another step forward, throwing your arms out, and your words pick up volume. you're shouting, now, echoing through the voluminous hallways of the castle in hell, your desperation and despair as you try to make him understand wild and untamed.

(you don't realize it, but you've started crying.) ] You saved me and my sister, didn't you?! You risked your life for us without a second thought! That's why I looked up to you - why I wanted to be like you!

[your last word rings out, and the heat goes out of your voice as you run out of air.

you stare at his back, again, always staring at his back, and you ask, tiny and hollow with the horror of realization. ] ... Are you saying that was all some sort of act?

[ sazantos finally turns to you again. he regards you, for a long moment.

"Well, Rondo..."

and then sazantos summons the accursed flame. it's ominous and dark black in his hands - its wrong, its so wrong, and he tells you that maybe you should ask the sacred flame that you love, instead of giving you an answer. the sacred flame that he taught you to follow.

you don't understand. you want to understand him. you want to know what happened, you want to understand why he fell to this depth, you want to know you want to understand him help him you want to know you want to be there for him, you have always wanted -

sazantos looks at you again, and you swear you can see his eyes behind that mask, their bright blue that you fell in love with a decade ago. and then he chuckles, and his mouth turns up in an odd smile. he walks closer to you. he holds out his hands to you. he faces you.

"...You should join us, Rondo." he says, "The dark flame awaits you."

it knocks you for a loop. you stare at him, stunned, and then your feet start moving before you can even stop yourself - not sure if you're going to throw yourself into his arms or tackle him - but before you make it three steps, he's gone. you scream his name and rush after him, but the accursed flame only leaves behind sparks.

and as sazantos vanishes, your knees give out, and you collapse to the ground, staring at the space where your future used to be. ]

[haematocritical]

[ this memory thing is already starting to grate on astarion's nerves, the longer this day goes on. he's quiet as the memory pans out -- there's not a lot he can really do otherwise, after all -- watching this little tale of betrayal and heartbreak.

the thought of believing in someone that wholly, to the point they have such power over you. power than you gave willingly? it makes his skin itch and crawl. he has lived a life where someone owned him in body and soul, and if he never experiences that again it will be too soon. ]

...

I'm going to make a wild guess and assume you didn't take him up on his little offer.

[ this sazantos, who decided he hated the world and everyone in it. ]

w2, thursday

[haematocritical]

[ hello there rondo, did you take your swamp dip yet? ]

[flameguard]

[ he did yes indeed! rondo's chilling somewhere, laying down like a good boy. it's hard to tell the total state of his injuries - he's back in his knight clothes - but he seems to be doing better? through the thin peek in the middle of his collar, astarion can see that his throat is this blackened, dark color, crackled and burnt. occasionally, it glows a sort of eerie blue. it's fine. ]

...Oh, Mr. Astarion... hello.

w3, wednesday

[haematocritical]

[ EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING. JESUS.

throws this up while i have the chance. ok. welcome to the library, astarion will pause when he sees him. ]

Who's been here more this week, you or Gale?

[flameguard]

[ oh!!! rondo is in fact settled at a table in the library, his nose in a book. he looks up when he's addressed, and then smiles. ]

...Heh, I don't think I can hold a candle to Mr. Gale. Good evening, Mr. Astarion! Had enough of debates...?

w3, saturday

[flameguard]

[ well, after all of that, rondo is out by the pyre. he often spends his evenings here on saturdays - today, however, he's standing, sword point down in the ground, hand resting on the hilt. lit up by the blue flame, he is every picture of the flameguard.

he nods his head to astarion when he sees him. ]

Mr. Astarion... that was quick action that you took. Thank you.

[haematocritical]

[ ah. well this is very paladin of him. ]

Yes, well. Sneaking up on people is what I'm good at.

w4, monday

[haematocritical]

[ well. summer camp it is.

astarion has found his way into the mini fridge and brought some of the contents outside of the cabin with him, so he can stand just outside the door and stare up at the rather nice dark sky with smatterings of stars. he doesn't seem too bothered by the howling sounds from just beyond the outskirts.

he's also turning a soda can in his hand. someone tell him he shouldn't do that. ]

These places get stranger and stranger every week.

[ Someone is absolutely going to die here this week. ]

[flameguard]

[ oh thank god it's nighttime he's probably done barking

and here we are! rondo has been exploring the infirmary so he has his arms full of supplies. when he pokes his head out, though, he notices astarion... and his echoing thoughts ]

I don't know, I find that the gas station was the strangest... I don't mind this place so much. [ and with a little bow! ] Good evening, Mr. Astarion. [ It's so nice to see the stars, again. ]

wk 4, tuesday

[flameguard]

[ yaaay....

rondo's out on the pier after all of that - he's mostly made himself scarce once the reveal was out, though he's not really hiding! he has his stupid hair down, and he's playing with something in his fingers, but he's not against any company. though, he hasn't noticed it! sneaky.

his thoughts are just kind of jumbled at the moment, too. nothing much to read, at least right away. ]

[haematocritical]

[ yaaaaay.

well, he'll just slide himself up to him on the pier and squint out at the water. ]

Did you know if you go up the ferris wheel you can see something in the far distance? Makes these places feel a little less isolated, even if I'm not sure whether it annoys me or relieves me more.

[ he probably, literally, did just appear out of nowhere. ]

w5, saturday

[haematocritical]

[ i won't be replying until later so we can do nebulous post trial and add in details as we learn them i guess?


anyway hello. he's dead now. ]

week 6, monday

[flameguard]

[ now that we are both not dead and exhausted

we're in delululemon. rondo's looking at his reflection in the mirror. he is dressed in the mirror like this!



in the reflection. rondo, who is in his usual clothes on the other side of the mirror, lifts his arms up as his reflected self does the same. in non sprite view here's a better look. ]

Is that... me?

[ he sounds... awed. ]

[haematocritical]

[ falls asleep ]

…?

[ he’ll wander over and squint at him ]

…

It certainly looks like you? New clothes?