mygod | pc catchall | astarion

[flameguard]

the internet is rife with astarion memes

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[haematocritical]

[ oh look at him go. ]

...

[ oh dear. not the tears. this is so not his wheelhouse. ]

Hello there. I would ask how you are, but I have a feeling I can guess the answer without doing that.

[flameguard]

[ give him a second, but - he sucks in a breath once he's settled again, hand at his heart, and then... ]

...I'm okay. [ quietly. well except he's mad at laudna. fuck her. but besides that ] It's - not really how I feel that's to be worried about, at the moment... I'm just relieved it's all over.

[haematocritical]

[ whoever hate cursed at that moment sent me. ]

And quite the outcome too. You literally revived the dead.

[flameguard]

[ ME DESPERATELY IN MY MOD DM: I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO TEACH RONDO TO HATE

anyway, he... nods a little, looking back out at the water. ] ...one of them, at least.

[haematocritical]

[ oh geez here we go. ]

To be blunt with you, Rondo?

It's quite honestly a fucking miracle of circumstances that you were able to revive one.

[flameguard]

I - yes, but...

[ Karlach was upset. And rightfully so. ]

[haematocritical]

Karlach has a heart five times too big for her chest and it will bleed for everyone we've lost, no matter what you do.

[ And if you are so concerned, talking to her would likely be the best option. ]

[flameguard]

[ .....

well he doesn't say anything to that, but astarion can probably get the sense by his expression that karlach is not the only one like that. ]

[haematocritical]

Personally I think the two of you should hug it out and have a cry on each other's shoulders.

[ flippant as it sounds on the surface, it... isn't. ]

[flameguard]

...I've done that to her far too often.

[haematocritical]

I'm specifying that you let her do the same to you.

[flameguard]

I've tried... she just... doesn't really like to show it. I don't think she really likes people to know she's upset.

[ because she and rondo are kind of similar in way too many ways. ]

But... she was right, I... there were so many people we've lost. [ his thoughts repeat a few names, lingering of course on the last - Marina. ] And there's no reason why I get to decide who lives or who dies.

[haematocritical]

Rondo, I am fully aware. But I don't think it's a good idea to keep letting her get away from it.

[ that's a tangle of something... a little old, but a little annoyed too. not at karlach, not at rondo, but at a secret third thing, that seems to bubble up for a moment in this thoughts and then vanish. ]

So, you'd rather have just sat on indecision, announced the plan to the world and never really got around to anything because you're never going to have a solution that pleases everyone?

[flameguard]

...No, of course not.

[ ... ]

I don't... I don't regret it, of course I don't. I couldn't. I just... wish I could do more.

[haematocritical]

...









Hells, you two are both exactly the same aren't you?

[flameguard]

[ help ]

...What...?

[haematocritical]

You and Karlach.

It's not about what you've done and what you've managed, it's what if I could've done more, while you're lying face down in the dirt with the weight of the world on your shoulders.

[ ... it's fine. ]

[flameguard]

...well...

[ im in this picture and i dont like it ]

...yes....

[haematocritical]

[ just Looks at him.

with Eyes that Know. ]

[flameguard]

... It... If I was a more selfish person, I think... things would've gone a lot differently.

[ rondo says after a very long moment, playing with the little ribbon in his hands. ]

[haematocritical]

... Yes, I expect it would've.

[ ... ]

You are allowed to be selfish, you are aware.

[flameguard]

[ quietly ]

I don't want to be.

[haematocritical]

[ this is already a week. ]

I’m not here to turn this into a debate. But if you’re not a little bit selfish in your life, people will trample all over you.

Just a little food for thought, my dear.

[flameguard]

Maybe. But... I can't say I regret it, bringing Miss Camille back. No matter what happens to me because of it, at least... at least we were able to mitigate the loss. At least a little.

[ it doesn't make up for everything, which is why it feels like never enough, but it's something. it doesn't bring back everyone else. it doesn't bring back marina. ]

[haematocritical]

[ ... it truly is a mindset he'll never fully understand. ]

You don't regret it, but you do at the same time because you would rather have brought someone else back. If you'd given yourself the chance to do so.