mygod | pc catchall | astarion

[flameguard]

the internet is rife with astarion memes

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[flameguard]

...I've done that to her far too often.

[haematocritical]

I'm specifying that you let her do the same to you.

[flameguard]

I've tried... she just... doesn't really like to show it. I don't think she really likes people to know she's upset.

[ because she and rondo are kind of similar in way too many ways. ]

But... she was right, I... there were so many people we've lost. [ his thoughts repeat a few names, lingering of course on the last - Marina. ] And there's no reason why I get to decide who lives or who dies.

[haematocritical]

Rondo, I am fully aware. But I don't think it's a good idea to keep letting her get away from it.

[ that's a tangle of something... a little old, but a little annoyed too. not at karlach, not at rondo, but at a secret third thing, that seems to bubble up for a moment in this thoughts and then vanish. ]

So, you'd rather have just sat on indecision, announced the plan to the world and never really got around to anything because you're never going to have a solution that pleases everyone?

[flameguard]

...No, of course not.

[ ... ]

I don't... I don't regret it, of course I don't. I couldn't. I just... wish I could do more.

[haematocritical]

...









Hells, you two are both exactly the same aren't you?

[flameguard]

[ help ]

...What...?

[haematocritical]

You and Karlach.

It's not about what you've done and what you've managed, it's what if I could've done more, while you're lying face down in the dirt with the weight of the world on your shoulders.

[ ... it's fine. ]

[flameguard]

...well...

[ im in this picture and i dont like it ]

...yes....

[haematocritical]

[ just Looks at him.

with Eyes that Know. ]

[flameguard]

... It... If I was a more selfish person, I think... things would've gone a lot differently.

[ rondo says after a very long moment, playing with the little ribbon in his hands. ]

[haematocritical]

... Yes, I expect it would've.

[ ... ]

You are allowed to be selfish, you are aware.

[flameguard]

[ quietly ]

I don't want to be.

[haematocritical]

[ this is already a week. ]

I’m not here to turn this into a debate. But if you’re not a little bit selfish in your life, people will trample all over you.

Just a little food for thought, my dear.

[flameguard]

Maybe. But... I can't say I regret it, bringing Miss Camille back. No matter what happens to me because of it, at least... at least we were able to mitigate the loss. At least a little.

[ it doesn't make up for everything, which is why it feels like never enough, but it's something. it doesn't bring back everyone else. it doesn't bring back marina. ]

[haematocritical]

[ ... it truly is a mindset he'll never fully understand. ]

You don't regret it, but you do at the same time because you would rather have brought someone else back. If you'd given yourself the chance to do so.

[flameguard]

[ he thinks about it... ]

...If I hadn't been the one to kill her, then, yes. [ camille, that is. ] But it was my hands that brought about her death, so - bringing her back was a promise that I made, and one I wanted to ensure I kept.

[haematocritical]

[ …. he really isn’t going to get into a debate about this, because he can sense the circular argument and back and forth form here. ]

…. Regardless, it is what it is. Perhaps you should ask her a little about what happened in the days between her demise and return. Maybe you’ll find a few answers there about your little lady too.

The dead go somewhere. Otherwise there’d be no where to pull people from when they come back. [ I always did wonder where we all went before Withers did his thing. ]

[flameguard]

My little... oh.

[ cheeks turning a little pink with that one!!! there's a singular animal crossing flower, and he ducks his head. ]

I will. Though, I don't know if she'll want to speak to me... I suppose I'll find out. We do know our dead are somewhere watching, at least...

[haematocritical]

[ this would be very cute and sweet if they hadn't just solved her murder a few days ago. oh well. ]

True, that is her prerogative. It'll be worse if you blatantly avoid her though.

[flameguard]

Don't worry about that - I'm unafraid to face the consequences of my actions. I would not try to hide.

[ more paladin behavior. ]

We've talked already, some, so. I leave it to her to decide how we ought to proceed.

[haematocritical]

I doubt she's going to turn around with a knife, screaming "and THAT'S for reviving me!"