flameguard | mygod | pc catchall

...Perhaps. Until now, I've settled for speaking to the piece of him that I still have.

[ but ough, these emotions. iwatooshi closes his eyes for a moment, soaking them in. he's never had family, so it's difficult to relate in that sense - but he does have imanotsurugi, and that's close enough. if he imagines ima here... he thinks he'd feel all the same that rondo does, now. ]

That she isn't even the only one still suffering bothers me still, but it is a relief that they have a chance to free her now, one way or another. She deserves that much.

[ even if it means her death. ]

[ there's a little spark of curiosity there, like he wants to know the story, but he doesn't push it for now - though he does lean over briefly to brush his shoulder against his arm, leaning in solidarity.

as for the rest... ]

... Mm. [ there's a pang in his emotions as he worries for ashlyn, and... for whomever else might have been afflicted, last night, too. as iwatooshi talks, those emotions ping back to the present, to something deeply sympathetic for someone far, far closer. ]

I... know how it feels, to be out of control of yourself. [ considering his trial. ] But... to continue to sustain it for weeks at a time - to live with it while still being yourself, I... I can't imagine the pain that you and all of the others had to go through.

[ ah, yes, the trial. iwatooshi can't hide a frown at that, disapproving of a god who would treat a loyal follower that way - but it isn't for him to judge another's world, after all. he can only consider what he knows.

his gaze falls to the floor, pensive, with a faint anger smoldering under his skin like the last surviving embers of a forge. ]

I was lucky to have been killed when I was - before I could act again. It was on my mind constantly, but I was still able to resist, after that first week. The others have had more time for the monster to grow more powerful.

My heart goes out to them for being forced to do something they never wanted - and to the others, who have to kill those of us that are affected.

[ but it must be done, in the end. ]

[ he's not wrong the gods are low key sucky sometimes and rondo would know from personal experience.

... unconsciously, feeling that anger, he scoots a little closer, leaning against iwatooshi. solid, supportive. and his emotions are as responsive as you might expect - sympathetic hurt for his suffering, a little anger with the cult, care, worry, all bundled up together in a wild tangle of human hearts. ]

Mn. [ it's so heavy that it's hard to reconcile with anything more than that - the burden of their situation. rondo's quiet for a long moment, head whirling with his thoughts. ]

At least we can support her. [ he says, eventually, quietly, turning his head to look up at iwatooshi. what goes unsaid is - we can support you, too. ] ...I don't know that I ever - really got the chance to say so, but... I'm sorry for not noticing. I know it's... not really in my control, but... still.

[ human hearts are the worst, actually, but there's a brief flicker of appreciation for rondo as he leans closer. ]

We can, and we will. [ support her, and ashlyn too, if or perhaps when they find her. he's determined to be there for them both, since he's already failed them once.

...an apology... iwatooshi's heart aches, with sympathy and love for someone who cares so deeply about others. it's a double-edged sword, isn't it? to love so much that you end up hurting, too. ]

It's alright, Rondo-dono. It wasn't your fault. Even if I was suspected, the dragon wanted to survive above all else, so it hid well. It used me. [ a little roil of guilt in his emotions that he closes his eyes against. ] It let me be myself, at just the right moments, so it could go unnoticed. The same must be true of the others, and that's why it's been allowed to go this far.

... Even if it wasn't my fault, I still want to say so.

[ to say sorry, at least. it's hard to listen to, because rondo is just so deeply empathetic - his emotions rise to match the guilt, curling into sorrow and a little frustration on iwatooshi's behalf, a deeply discomforted feeling that someone so strong, so important, so wonderful, could still be manipulated so cruelly.

he looks down at his hands again, hands curled into fists in his lap at - it used me. truly, it makes him a little sick. ]

Of everything, this feels like the cruelest part of this place, to me. The idea that people's agency is stolen from them like that. [ because it's familiar - from his trial, but from sazantos' manipulations of leblanc, of elrica. he fought side by side with the queen against someone she adored, someone who couldn't control herself, who was utilized and manipulated in her death. it's true evil, the kind of thing that sits with him so wrong, and the idea of having to continue to suffer with the monster even after everything is...

he shakes his head, a little, fists curling tighter. ] ...It's just awful.

Perhaps that's why it was so easy for to use one like me. Having the freedom to decide things for myself is still so new to me - I'm used to not having any choice. It's the nature of what I am, as a tool.

[ but he understands that isn't the case for everyone else here, so he doesn't press that point too hard. there's just some complicated feelings that come with a statement like that, a bit of confusion, a bit of melancholy and thoughtfulness. ]

But I admit that seeing it happen to the rest of you... I don't like it at all. Choosing to pick up a blade and take another's life is one thing, and I'll be the last person to judge those that do. But to be forced to kill against your will... that is wrong.

mygod | pc catchall | iwatooshi

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