flameguard | mygod | pc catchall

[ yeah, it's weird! the thoughts in rondo's head are in his own voice, but they echo in stereo, when they repeat. into one that's smoother, softer. My Flame weeps.

he sucks in a deep breath as he adjusts his stance properly. widening his legs for more balance, he swings the naginata - sharp and sure. it's not perfect, but it becomes clear that he's trying. of course he is, right? he always does. no matter what.

when iwatooshi speaks, he swings a little harder, nearly overbalances himself, and sucks in a deep breath. ]

I should have been able to stop her. [ I should have been able to stop Sir Sazantos, too. You are weak. Weak. ] But I hesitated.

[ the urge is step forward to catch him, to help him readjust, but iwatooshi forces himself to stand back. rondo can handle this. he can get through it. ]

But that doesn't make you weak. It only means that your love for them is strong. There's no shame in that, Rondo-dono.

What happened is the fault of the cultists who performed the summoning ritual - not you, and certainly not Karlach-dono, or the rest of us are just as blameworthy.

[ it takes a second. foot back, sliding his weight, fingers curling tight around the handle of the naginata, he takes a deep breath. and sure enough, the stance readjusts, fixes itself. the next one is more on target, more well controlled. iwatooshi is a good teacher. he knows when to push, and when not to.

and he's listening, too - he's a good teacher like this, in his wisdom and words, things rondo has held onto so dearly every day since arriving here. ]

I could have prevented all of it. [ he says, but it's a little less self critical this time, just a little sadder, instead. ] I... I know. I know it's their fault. And... I know it just means we just - we just have to get out of here, and we have to stop them. I just...

[ It's just hard to think about it, now. ]

[ that's good - he nods in approval. but rondo's words make him frown. ]

All of it?

[ iwatooshi crosses his arms, a thoughtful . . . slowly appearing above his head. ]

We still have no way to reach the cultists, do we? And no way to interrupt their rituals to stop them from summoning new monsters - or are you saying that you did have a way, and chose not to use it? A way to stay up each night and interfere with our kills, perhaps?

You do yourself a disservice in carrying all of this on your own shoulders.

[ that - that finally gets him to stop.

because iwatooshi is right. the words ring in his head, and he turns to look a little more at him, brows knit together, mouth opening and closing before he works his jaw, turning his gaze away. no... no. all of that is beyond out of his reach.

vin said something so similar to him, before he died. they made a good team, didn't they? and all of them do here, too, in this strange little pocket world. his shoulders finally sink a little, and he exhales out, looking at the naginata in his hands. his vision is a little blurry; a blue flame flickers up his arm, and then dies away. ]

... I just want the people I hold dear to be safe. [ it's said in the tiniest, most vulnerable voice in the world. ] And... it is so far out of my control.

I know. I want the same - for you, and for all the others. And normally, we'd have no problems protecting them all.

[ now he finally steps forward to stand before rondo, dropping his arms to his side. ]

It hurts, doesn't it? To be so powerless.

...It's how I felt, right before I came here. I...

[ he's white knuckling the naginata, now, holding it so tight his hands are shaking.

and isn't it just so convenient how the graveyard is full of permanent memshare? he doesn't even have to explain.]

[ seeing another's memory never ceases to take his breath away, for more reasons than iwatooshi could begin to explain. for all his years, he has many memories, but precious few as sharp as rondo's. his memories could overwhelm anyone with all his emotions, let alone a weapon who's only just learning to feel.

it's the love that stays with him - the love, the betrayal, the grief, and each one leaves its mark on iwatooshi's heart, cracks that threaten to grow and break him apart. they bring a vicious thought to the surface:

he doesn't deserve you.

but he closes his eyes against it, taking a deep, deep breath, before refocusing on the young man before him. he's so, so like imanotsurugi, isn't he? enough that iwatooshi's eyes feel a little watery, as he reopens them. ]

The love in your heart is boundless, isn't it? It gives you strength, and powers your resolve. But it doesn't make it any easier.

[ his eyes lower, watching with a heavy heart as rondo's hands shake where they hold onto him. ]

If I had a way to give you the power you needed to stop all of it, I would, without hesitation. I have no answers to offer - not for your battle against with Sir Sazantos, or our battle here.

All I can do is promise to look for them alongside you. You aren't alone, Rondo. [ just rondo, this time. ] You never were.

[ iwatooshi's thought - sharp as the edge of a naginata - breaks through his own thought process, through the faded sense memory of the flame choked from his body, as the pain of it ripples away. he's relived this memory too many times, but it never gets any easier to experience, and so often he finds himself staring down sazantos, so desperately trying to make him understand, so desperately trying to do what's right.

but that thought shakes him out of it. some part of him still wants to push against it, the idea that really it's the other way around, that rondo barely deserves sazantos, but... is it still like that, anymore? it's really only in moving here, in talking to people like iwatooshi, that he's really begun to consider that as the truth.

as he talks, rondo reorients himself, still holding the naginata, his fingers flexing again, opening and closing, opening and closing. he doesn't have answers, either, but...

you're not alone, rondo. it is in moments like these, under iwatooshi's tutelage, that he truly, really believes them, and he takes in a deep, wet breath. ]

...I'm really, really glad that we're together again. [ the words are sticky, vulnerable, but so, so honest. iwatooshi has such a way with words, such a way with everything, and his counsel and his presence are so desperately, dearly important to him that he doesn't think he can properly express it in return. like sazantos all over again, but every word is so precious and so kind that it's overwhelming. he swallows, hard, and murmurs: ] ... Thank you.

[ Thank you. ]

Whatever do you have to thank me for?

[ he smiles, though there is a bit of sadness to it. rondo really has been through so much in so little time, hasn’t he? iwatooshi dearly wishes he could make any of this easier on him, somehow, but the most he can really do is offer a few words of reassurance. it isn’t enough; it’ll never be enough, with lives on the line like this. ]

I’m glad to be together again, too - more than I could say.

[ though he still wishes it were under different circumstances. ]

mygod | pc catchall | iwatooshi

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