flameguard | mygod | pc catchall

... Today. With Kanda.

[ smoke starts to rise from her head. ]

... I was very afraid that I was about to repeat the same mistakes again.

[ oh, no. these breakins always ending up with murderers and killers.... his brows knit together, and he unconsciously scoots a little closer to provide a little more support. ]

But... you didn't, right?

[ she hugs her knees close to her chest. ]

Lavi was there. And Emilico. And only two of the four of us could leave alive.

I took Emilico. And Kanda just... let me.

... No, he insisted.

[ oh...

he's quiet for a long moment with that, realization flickering across his face before it settles into something a little softer, and he reaches over to hook an arm around kate, draping it around her shoulders in a hug. ]

... Mr. Kanda's... I can't say that I'm surprised he would. [ it just kind of fits him. if he's learned anything about the cantankerous swordsman, it's that he does care for others, but more so - that he just does not care a bit about his own life, that he and lavi's jobs are complex and painful.

he gives her a little squeeze, tighter. ]

He's really stubborn. [ mmmrm... ] ... I hope you don't blame yourself for that, Miss Kate...?

[ she allows the hug. he might get a little sooty doing it. ]

... I was halfway down the stairs when I realized. That if I walked away like that, I was just going to repeat everything again. I'd get to live happily with my loved ones for a time, while I slowly lost my mind and took more and more lives.

So I left Emilico somewhere safe, and went back to get Lavi out.

... The room burned down with Kanda and myself inside.

[ she wanted to choose hope. but there wasn't any for her. so she chose to do what was right, instead. she chose death. ]

[ fire, soot, etc. the hug gets a little more solid as she keeps talking - he squeezes tight as she finishes, for a moment stunned into silence by the gravity of her choices, and her decisions. and he... ]

Oh, Miss Kate... [ rondo's voice is soft, full of emotion. another squeeze. ] ... I'm proud of you. Even if it doesn't feel like it, decisions like those take a tremendous amount of strength.

[ were he in her shoes, he would have done the same thing, honestly. and maybe it was all an illusion, maybe it wasn't real, but - if it was, the hope she would have chosen would have been for others to live on, and sometimes, that's the best you can do. sometimes, if you can choose to do the least amount of harm to others, it's the best you can do. ]

[ he squeezes her tightly, and she leans her head against him. it'll leave a wet spot on his clothes. just a drop or two. ]

I... I was scared. I really just wanted to live with everyone.

[ that was why she held on for so long before. but it only led to greater tragedy. ]

[ nooooooo weeeeehhh

for everything kate has been through, it's such a grim reminder - she is so young. the simple pain of i was scared make's rondo's heart lurch, and he turns to hug her properly with both arms, abandoning the snacks in favor of getting absolutely covered in soot and giving kate somewhere safe to break down, something safe to lean on. ]

... I truly hate everything this place has made you experience. [ rondo mumbles, hugging her tightly to his chest and closing his eyes - heartfelt, before any kind of advice or anything, because he just does, and for a moment, that's the most utterly overwhelming feeling there could be.

after a long quiet, though: ]

There's nothing wrong with wanting that. [ even though this place takes it away, or makes it a cruelty. ] I hope you know that, too.

I don't... I don't know. I wish it didn't feel so wrong.

[ but she holds onto him, and buries her face in his chest. and just cries for a bit. after all, if dying was the right choice, the noble choice, then hanging on for week after week must have been wrong. it must be wrong for a monster to live among people. ]

...I know. I wish it didn't, too.

[ because. yeah. yeah, of course it does - every decision they've had to make, every decision kate in particular had to make, has been so brutally cruel, so stupidly, ridiculously unfair. he hugs her tightly, chin on her head, not caring if he gets covered in soot as he thinks about what he wants to say and just rocks her quietly, trying to be as comforting and soothing as he can.

it's after a long while of quiet that he finally speaks again, voice very soft. ]

There's... [ another squeeze, as he bolsters himself. ] No matter what happens here, what matters the most are the choices that you make. Not ones made by a monster, but the ones you chose to make. Wanting to live or wanting to die, they're both your will. That you wanted to live isn't a bad thing, and that you could try to make the choices to do so of your own will isn't a bad thing, either.

[ weh. ] I wish you hadn't have had to suffer through these things, Miss Kate. I'm so sorry.

[ once she's started to compose herself, she stays there, leaning into him. it's too late to worry about getting soot all over him.

she can't seem to find the words, but she is grateful. ]

mygod | pc catchall | kate

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