flameguard | mygod | pc catchall

Good... I was worried.

What happened to you? Was there another monster attack? Or... something beyond the fog?

The latter. I, ah...

[ the comedy of this being the cyoa i got to be on was so good. ] ...well, I was in Hell. Again.

[ um. ]

Hell?

Again?

It's...where I was before I was here...

[ :stressed: though. wait. ]

Not - not because I deserved to be, or anything, I'm not - dead, or anything! I think. I was... fighting someone there, it's a little complicated...

But - yes! Yes, last week, I believe it may have been an incident relating to someone else's life, right...? This week, it was relating to Karlach.

O, oh...

You went to Hell to fight someone? ... A devil?

[ ask about the cyoa -- no what was our golden retriever doing in hell ]

Today, yes... but:

[ you know it's just so much easier if the memory void takes over for him. so!! ]

[ after your induction into the guardians of light - hasty as it was - you join the others as they make their battle plans to march on the gates of hell. between your research with king solon and the willpower of the other guardians, preparations are being made for a confrontation of a lifetime, and you feel a little out of place.

everyone here is powerful - a king, a lord, the very ringbearer chosen themselves - and they control armies, countries and politics. this is the kind of thing that sazantos would have handled, where you would stand dutifully by his side and listen, wanting to help and soaking up what you could learn, but...

... but sazantos is your enemy, now. he lounges in hell with the forces of the undead gathering under his influence and might. you haven't gotten to confront him, not yet - you only know now what queen alaune has told you, that he intends to use her older sister, the princess elrica who was executed by her cruel tyrant father, against all of them. alaune tells you all that she wants to go to hell to confront them herself, because she is brave and admirable, and the ripple of shock that moves through the room is heard by everyone, perhaps no louder than richard, stunned at her side.

immediately, you feel moved, moved by the sense of duty and purpose you always feel, and you bow, one hand to your heart, and ask alaune and the ringbearer chosen if you might join them. you know the two of you could protect the queen, and...

... and you need to go to hell, too. you need to see sazantos for yourself.

you need to ask him why.

the queen accepts your offer with warmth as always, and to the background noise of shades of the walking dead approaching the castle in droves, the three of you descend into hell through the portal. ]

--

[ hell is - not what you're expecting.

it's gloomy and dark and miserable, and the oppressive power of pure evil seems to lurk around every corner. you find yourself standing in a near exact replica of the castle of edoras, and though alaune swallows nervously in front of you, she is strong, her shoulders squared backwards: the ringbearer chosen's lantern shines with a safe, warm blue glow like the sacred flame itself, and it soothes all three of you as you begin to navigate your way through the endlessly labyrinthine tunnels of this alternate castle.

you are accosted by shades and spirits of monsters nearly every third step, but you and the ringbearer chosen are both strong and capable, and you slash them back, keeping the queen safe as you guard her journey towards her sister. each monster is twisted beyond belief - some are humanoid, flesh melting from their bones and eye sockets, creatures of rage and despair, and others are just monsters, multi-eyed beings that spit black magic and acid, all designed to torment, to kill, to cause despair. it feels like you wander for days, down plush red carpets and past structures of horrible black crystal and roots, digging up into the castle's surface like claws. the entire time, your heart pounds with purpose and necessity, and though you aren't afraid, the further you get into the castle, the further a gut feeling of dread starts to build.

your gut feelings are usually accurate, and this is no exception. when you round a corner into a hallway, now cleared of monsters, there's a burst of black, accursed flame, and walking out of its embers is none other than sazantos.

your heart stops.

sazantos looks so different than you last saw him. your last memory of the former flameguard was him leaving flamesgrace to head to the isle of orsa - white cloak, silver armor, brilliantly blue eyes, long silver hair braided with a red ribbon that you feel like you've stared at a thousand times. a man you have seen in reality, in your dreams, someone who you have spent nearly every waking moment of your life following, chasing, striving for.

here, sazantos wears black armor, his face covered in a mask - his silver hair tucked into the back of the armor, too. the accursed flame nearly oozes off of him, roiling with purple and black and pink, the same sight the two of you once fought off in berecain.

it is in this moment that you realize that everything that you have so fervently hoped was false is a reality, and the sight of him breaks your heart into a thousand pieces.

you can't help yourself. you rush forward, ahead of alaune and the ringbearer, and his name escapes you in a rush - ] Sir Sazantos...!

(to 33:14)

[ sazantos regards you for a moment, and then walks away from you - he is always walking away - but you hesitate, because you know how he is and it's just like in training, that surely he will respond if you give him a moment. and sure enough, he speaks after you follow him, your gaze stuck to his back. isn't it always?

"I must say. I hadn't expected to behold your foolish face even here, at the very end of the world." sazantos says, almost wry. he turns to you, holds out his hands, as if beckoning you to attack him or run to his arms - mockingly. "Have you improved at all in the time we've been apart, Rondo?"

the way his voice smooths out the syllables of your name is so familiar that your heart aches, because it used to draw you in like a moth to the flame. you have hung on his every word for almost ten years now, and you you taste something bitter and miserable in the back of your throat as you regard him.

you suck in a breath, force the lump in your throat down. you should answer the question, but you - you can't, you can't address that, you don't care if you've improved or not, because the only thing that matters is the secondary reason you came down here, what you've wanted since you joined the guardians, since you heard the news of sazantos' betrayal in the first place. your hands curl into fists at your side, trembling. ] Why...

[ and you run to him, closer to him, facing him one to one. your voice breaks with your anger and your despair and confusion and loss and hurt. your heartbreak, as you finally get your chance to confront him. your composure shatters and you shout, desperate - ] Why are you doing this?!

[ because that's what you've wanted to know from the start.

his hands drop back down to his side, and sazantos shakes his head, says your name again. "Rondo."

the timber of his tone is familiar - he's already dismissing you. "You cannot hope to understand."

(but you want to. you've always wanted to. you want to understand everything about sazantos. you want to know him, want to understand him, and he's never once let you in.)

he turns, folding his arms, and for a brief, terrifying moment, you think he's going to disappear again. "No...no. No one can."

but that's not true. can't you understand him? would he ever let you? why won't he ever let you try?

you want to run to him and shake him, impulsively, want to wrap your arms around his shoulders and shake the truth into him, that you want to understand him that you love him that he is your everything - but you don't. you suck in a breath, and drop your hands to your side, curling them into tight, shaking fists.

sazantos explains to you what pushed him over the edge. he says he never knew if human lives had any value or not - which stuns you - until ceraphina and lyblac, who showed him how greedy and desiring human beings were. how every single one of them deserved to perish, because they destroyed the world around them, based on those desires. that all human beings were evil. that they all deserved death.

you almost can't believe the words coming out of his mouth.

this is sazantos, after all. the flameguard. the brilliant, protective force who cared for the continent, who has saved so, so many lives. it's dissonant, it's wrong. after everything you've seen him do, you feel like you have to defend him from himself, from this insanity, from this darkness that's taken him over that just can't be him. you can't reconcile it. and as always, passionate and impulsive, you can't help yourself, throwing out your arm with the force of your denial - like you could reach out and wrench him back from this cliff he's standing on yourself. ] No! You're wrong - humans aren't all evil!

[ your voice starts to break - your vision blurs with tears, but you barely even notice as you take another step forward, throwing your arms out, and your words pick up volume. you're shouting, now, echoing through the voluminous hallways of the castle in hell, your desperation and despair as you try to make him understand wild and untamed.

(you don't realize it, but you've started crying.) ] You saved me and my sister, didn't you?! You risked your life for us without a second thought! That's why I looked up to you - why I wanted to be like you!

[ because you remember his back then, too - you remember his ethereal presence, the brilliantly azure flame in his hands that saved your lives, the way he turned to you afterwards and told you you were worth something, that you could be something, that he recognized you -

your last word rings out, and the heat goes out of your voice as you run out of air.

you stare at his back, again, always staring at his back, and you ask, tiny and hollow with the horror of realization. ] ... Are you saying that was all some sort of act?

[ sazantos finally turns to you again. he regards you, for a long moment.

"Well, Rondo..."

and then sazantos summons the accursed flame. it's ominous and dark black in his hands - its wrong, its so wrong, and he tells you that maybe you should ask the sacred flame that you love, instead of giving you an answer. the sacred flame that he taught you to follow.

you don't understand. you want to understand him. you want to know what happened, you want to understand why he fell to this depth, you want to know you want to understand him help him you want to know you want to be there for him, you have always wanted -

sazantos looks at you again, and you swear you can see his eyes behind that mask, their bright blue that you fell in love with a decade ago. and then he chuckles, and his mouth turns up in an odd smile. he walks closer to you. he holds out his hands to you. he faces you.

"...You should join us, Rondo." he says, "The dark flame awaits you."

it knocks you for a loop. you stare at him, stunned, and then your feet start moving before you can even stop yourself - not sure if you're going to throw yourself into his arms or tackle him - but before you make it three steps, he's gone. you scream his name and rush after him, but the accursed flame only leaves behind sparks.

and as sazantos vanishes, your knees give out, and you collapse to the ground, staring at the space where your future used to be. ]

Rondo...

[ there's a faint haze of smoke over her head. ]

I see. Your predecessor...

It must have been painful, to see someone you knew and admired become so twisted.

[ ue ue. he looks a little worried at the smoke once the memory ends, reaching up to very lightly try to fan some of it away - fussy, as always. his expression's a little complicated, soft and sad. ]

... It was. [ extraordinarily painful. ] I don't think I ever could have seen it coming, but... now that I know, it feels so obvious.

... It's easier to see such things in hindsight. I don't think you were wrong to believe in him.

I think... the parts of Sir Sazantos that I believed in - the ones that I've always admired. I think they were still there. People are so complicated. I just... maybe I should have seen him more like a person, and less like my hero.

[ maybe then he would've been able to figure it out a little faster. ]

mygod | pc catchall | kate

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